There’s no point holding on to a relationship without happiness as its common ground.
Have you been in a situation where you are so sure of what you want but deeply conflicted at the same time? Have you been to a place where you see yourself standing before a path that you know would lead you to somewhere wonderful but still not wanting to go?
Until I decided to get married and settle down have I felt that kind of struggle – the need to choose between two people that I love, the need to leave one of them because the path that leads to the other is too narrow that I need to go alone.
I have a brother who needs me, who became so attached to me that separation anxiety is truly unbearable.
I take care of him of since he was 7. I share bed with him. We hug always when we sleep. Sometimes I chew his food when I feed him. I turned down career opportunities for him. I choose him over anything.
I can’t go somewhere without him no matter how narrow the path might be. I’d rather stop walking or I carry him with me. Simply put, we come in a package deal and anyone can take us or leave us.
My marriage failed for a lot of reasons and to name a few – infidelity (oh the first thing I thought of ^_^), sense of responsibility, a question of loyalty, of priority and a lot of other problems commonly faced by married couples.
But behind all these, my marriage failed not because my brother and I come in a package deal and he chose to leave. It failed because I felt he is not happy with the deal. And I sincerely understand how he feels the same way that he understands how I feel.
I felt the relationship won’t work if we are not mutually happy. And there’s no point holding on to a relationship without happiness as its common ground – without happiness in reciprocation.
I chose my brother simply because I am happy taking care of him. I am happy because there is a sense of fulfillment within me that only he can satisfy. That’s maybe because of the kind of love that I am able to show him is something unconditional, something that a mother would give for her child.
I can feel who can genuinely accept my situation and that I would rather detach myself from people who can not be happy for me. They can call it ego-centrism. But I call it a love that is selfish but selfless at the same time. And those who know me well can attest to that kind of love. It’s priceless and I won’t exchange any kind of happiness for it.