After everything that we’ve been through, after all the pain that I have to endure, I just came to realize that perhaps, these trials are not meant to make us strong and make us hold on to each other more. Perhaps these trials were given to us because our relationship is not supposed to happen.
And yes your mom is right. I’m not the perfect one for you. You deserve someone far better than me – someone who doesn’t need to let you wait, someone who doesn’t have to heal herself, fix herself, prepare herself from the separation anxiety she needs to go through from her brother in order to be with you, someone whose mind is not filled with negative thoughts, someone who doesn’t dwell on the past, someone who forgives and forgets, someone whose heart has not been filled with sorrow and pain.
And yes you are right. All these years I’ve been that someone who doesn’t practice what she preaches. I don’t walk the talk. I don’t do as I say. I plan and I just stop right there. I’m a failure, a loser.
I’m sorry I have dragged you into all of this. I’m sorry I have ruined everything… I am sorry to have kept you waiting for nothing, for wasting all your time for nothing…
I asked you if you still want me and for how many seconds that you didn’t answer – that long pause – I already know the answer… I know it’s over…
Though how hard it may seem and God knows how unbearable this is, I know I have to let you go. And as much as I still wanted to hold on, to tell you to please hold on too, to tell you how much I needed you, how so much I needed you right now…. to tell you how much I love you, I know that I have to keep myself from letting you know all this now because this is not what you wanted.
I want you to be happy, to be really really happy and I’m sorry if I’m not the one who you thought I am…..